Posted in Shalyse Speaks

Poly 101ish Info Pack

A transfer from let’s talk about poly which is now one of my deleted sites.

Inspire by a mono friend who asked questions about him and his husband opening their relationship. This will probably become the base of an FAQ for this site.

Would you tell me more about polyamory?
First, the definition is having ( or having the compacity or desire to have) more than one intimate or loving relationship simultaneously. There are many ways that love and intimacy manifest as sexuals are learning to be acutely aware of, as well as many ways to create relationships.

What are important things to remember?

  1. Remember that you do not own your partner. Ownership outside of the BDSM world is usually something very dangerous and unhealthy because it is not negotiated nor does it address a person as a whole individual who has consented to something else.
  2. Negotiate everything and stick to your boundaries, that does not mean that you cannot renegotiate. Your major choices are to find a compromise, redefine your relationship, or take it or leave it.
  3. Communication is a must and emotional processing is important.
  4. Self-awareness is a must, but it takes time.
  5. I always suggest being ok with dating separately or apart and discussing boundaries for how to address things that affect your relationship. Examples: Time that must be allocated for dating and spending time with other partners, money for dates and travel, emotional energy.
  6. Polyamory is not the only way. Non-monogamy is an umbrella.
  7. Polyamory isn’t easy. It’s not really harder than monogamy, but there are a lot more complexities when dealing with multiple relationships whether they run parallel or intersect.
  8. My observation is that it is harder to do if it is not your natural inclination. For most of us it seems to be our default relational orientation, not a choice we make, so because relating on this level comes more natural it is easier to break the constructs of relationships that have been pushed on us.

Where is a good place to find resources? Are there any resources specific to LGBT relationships? How about allo/asexual relationships?

Some groups and blogs:
I suggest joining a group that I moderate called Black and Poly

There are also groups like:
Intersectional Non-Monogamy
Polyamory

These are groups that I suggest people who need intersection based info for queer relationships and anything to start.

Of course, I suggest my blog as a resource to everyone:

But other resources include:

Other articles include:

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​Please remember that people not supporting police officers brutal treatment of civilians and anyone who supports them, does not mean a person wants them dead.
Just because we will not allow this to erase and disrupt our message does not mean that we support unnecessary death.
That’s actually the point.
We don’t want unnecessary deaths. Period.

Posted in Shalyse Speaks

When you say “All lives matter”…

…we know you don’t mean that.
If you did believe that you would know that statement is redundant.

We know all lives matters. That is a given.”All lives matter” was a reaction based in erasive behaviour.

Saying “Black lives matter” and having a movement behind is not refutong that statement. It’s reminding you that we matter too. 

That while you live in the fantasy that racism and inequality does not exist anymore POC of all races experience it.

Every time you say “All lives matter”, you are derailing a much needed discussion just because it is a little uncomfortable.You can say pretty things like race is a social construct and it doesn’t matter, but it does.


Race is something that does exist. It has ties to our social, geographic, and cultural existence.

Thr negative side of itcomes from imperlistic views used  to control, enslave, and manipulate.The traces of that are ingrained in our society.

The moment people stop trying to pretend it is not something that exist, is the moment we can truly address the problem.

The problem is not accepting and celebrating multiple racial groups and the various cultures that fall into those groupings and overlap. 

The problem is fearing what is different and trying to skew the view of what those differences mean.

 The problem is not truly allowing minority groups their rights, but forcing them to rebuild.

Yes y’all, minority groups still exist. 

The Civil Rights Movement is not that far away. Do you know what we were fighting for? The right to be seen as human beings deserving of respect just like you. For all People of Color to have equal rights.

Apparently that is too much to ask, still.

Remember that BLM also addresses police brutality and how it affects all people. It does however have a major focus on the fact that there is a trend of racial inequity. It is not saying all police are bad. Its saying thay there are people in a position of power who use it and abuse it due to racism, ego, and an inflated sense of self, as well as the fact that we need to seriously examine the training methods and processes of police forces.

xox,

shalyse

Posted in Shalyse Speaks

“Now y’all kids need to get involved in politics.”

Oh that beauteous howl of our parental units and those well-meaning older generation folks who are often so wrought with their own assumptions about us.

” You need to learn about the political system.”

Oh buddy, we have.

We have become acutely aware of just how f*#ked the political system and our government have gotten.
I mean it wasn’t super fabulous, to begin with.  How can it be when we built a nation based on hypocrisy and I don’t know, the backs of other people.

Equal rights?

No. Only if you fit into a preconceived notion of what is right. Otherwise you have to fight for your rights, and struggle  get by in a world  that views you as less than or deficient in some way; and for what? Because of the color of your skin and the ingrained  stereotypes and even some very stupidly conceive prejudices. Yo, don’t event get me started.

Or because your sexual or romantic attractions are deemed unnatural, because of a very narrow view humans hold and call it being evolved. I mean have you seen our culture being ravished by the  ideology of toxic masculinity and possessiveness.

What about ignoring the gender and sex spectrum, and calling transgender and non-binary confused when you are the one is confused because this is new to you. Or better yet calling intersex people monsters or needing to be fixed.

OMG, gender equality, because we have ridiculous predispositions towards all genders.

Y’all! VETERANS. How long has it taken us to move forward with helping to take care the people who risked their lives to defend all of our so called rights. Bruh.

I’ll stop right here. That “All  men are created equal”, not so much. And you can have the “pursuit of happiness” and the “American dream”but if you don’t reach it it’s your fault for not climbing out of poverty because you are lazy and uneducated. Even though you probably work full-time and maybe even went to school and couldn’t find a job that allows you to meet your basic needs and get out of debt.

I read somewhere that America needs a moral rebirth. I agree. On more levels than just economic, we need to care about more than just getting where we are going.

We ( the younger generations)  are out here educating ourselves and noting all the shit that is happening. We see a system that in theory was suppose to work, but we let greed and power take over and we want to fix that.

“You need to vote.”

Welp, I don’t disagree with that either.

We do. We have to use the current system to some degree to change it.

But we don’t know a lot about certain political processes and how to get involved.

I grew in an apolitical household because that’s what our religion told us. Government  class didn’t teach you all the real things you need to know and I was AP. Our teacher tried to get in as much extra stuff into the curriculum, but even in 2009 they were still testing us for test.

Onward college, I started seeing things a lot differently.and trying to figure out what to do.

Now this is definitely not the we didn’t know excuse.

I mean some of us don’t know at 18, but we have resources, but we only have them after we realize that there is so much more than the major elections.

See, what happens is that you are busy telling us what you think we don’t know, that you aren’t telling us what we really need to know. But this isn’t the blame game. This is just a synopsis of how screwed up education and politics are.

My life partner was into politics. She wanted to be a politician before she died. One of the major things that she helped me to see is that no, the current system doesn’t serve a lot of the younger generations interest and needs, but we can change that.

She believed in activism and using the current system to get what we want.

Voting falls short. Some of the major reasons we don’t vote include:

  • We are away for college, interning, or traveling for experience so we don’t have stable addresses or can’t be there for most local elections,
  •  but that is also if we do know about the local elections. This is a problem that can be addressed to some extent by better outreach and education before we get out of high school as well.
  • If we work, we may have conflicting work schedules that make it hard or near impossible to make it during election times.
  • Being busy is a real thing if you are balancing an education, gaining experience, and even having a job just to get by. I think sometimes the older folk forget things like that.
  • Some people just don’t deal with politics because they don’t see how it helps.

The last one is really for everyone. Since when we are tiny children, we are told to avoid the topics of politics and religion because they cause issues. We aren’t taught to respect differing opinions, respects people right to be able to have the same rights as you, have a healthy debate, and explain ourselves, we are taught to avoid the subject (Which is why many activist get the to the “shut up” point when dealing with people). Like let’s talk about the weather and shit instead. BTW I can turn that political too. Please, stop with the small talk y’all.

Essentially this avoidance of political discussion has caused younger folks to not see the importance of  political discussion in our everyday lives. My personal experience has showed me that many of my peers don’t care until something affects them negatively.

We also have the problem that people view activism in a negative light. Sorry folks, but you don’t get to say what types of activism are ok to use. There are various audiences out there and not all methods work for all people, but it gets people talking. Don’t white-wash any revolution and pretend it was all peaceful. America’s freedom wasn’t even won with a “Pretty please with sugar on top.”

So yea, we may be apathetic and we may not know what to do sometimes, but as our parents. mentors, and predecessors its your job to foster environments of political involvement and education. Not the version where you force us to follow your beliefs, but to really think for ourselves. You want to guide us, do it. Hiding from politics helps no one.

We should be able to critic, explore, and discuss the reinvention of the political system without the words entitled, selfish, ignorant, lazy being thrown at us.

The economic and political environments have been experiencing a shifts for a long while now. We can’t necessarily keep doing things the same way. That’s just something you have to deal with.

xox,

Shalyse