Posted in Shalyse Speaks

Pansexuality is not biphobia; bisexuality is not transphobia.

The idea that pansexuality is intrinsically biphobic is ridiculous.

One of the things that pansexuality has done is emphasize that gender is not binary.

It has never said that a bisexual person is relegated to Binary interest.

Any it has simply bolstered the acceptance of trans and non-binary individuals.

Over time people have become more accepting and identify as bisexual or pansexual, but the idea that a sexual orientation developed to revolutionize the acceptance of non-binary and trans people must meet biphobic it’s just ignorant.

It took me a long time myself to be willing to identify as pansexual because I already valued the idea trans and non-binary people whoever they were. I’m an asexual who behaves pansexually. I identified as bisexual until my partner introduced asexuality to me and I realized I was ace. I only claim sexuality as a specific political statement. A lot of people that are bi still stick to the idea that gender is binary because they focus on genitalia. For me identifying with pansexual what’s the political and activist move challenging transphobia.

There is a super harmful article by bisexuality.org that is reinforcing myths about sexuality furthering the misunderstood of it political nature. A quick Google search shows more articles of the same.

That’s one of the reasons why it is important that the is invisible sexualities have visibility and education surrounding them. Because we keep propagating harmful misinformation about the creation of these ideas and labels pitting ourselves against each other in fear of being erased or misunderstood by cishet folks or GRSM people who don’t take time to learn something outside of their own identity.

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Posted in Shalyse Speaks

Cultural Appreciation vs Appropriation

I was sitting in the car listening to one of my guilty pleasure artists on Spotify.

You know one of the artists that have a lot of cultural appropriation backlash against them. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a white peer that boiled down to the fact that POC are not held to the same standards when ot comes to appropriation.

But as a person of color who interacts within POC spaces, specifically a Black woman with Caribbean and African orgins who happens to be a Celtic Pagan witch. I am super on this cultural Appropriation versus Appreciation shit. I call really big bull shit that we are not held to similar standards. The impact is just different.

There are real differences between Appreciating a cultural pillar and Approriating it. When you appropriate you taking it and manipulating it because you thought it was cool or because you just felt entitled to it.

Appropriation isn’t about sharing cultures or learning. Its taking something, physical or an idealogy, because you want to own it and control it.

Everyone is capable of appropriatiating another culture, however, European colonization was widespread and demolished or tainted many cutures under the banner of improvement (*cough, cough; whispers* Murder and Slavery).

Imperialistic Cultural Appropriation is often the discussion that is being referenced because it is the most predominant form of appropriation with political power rooted in that history.

Quite a few of the arguments that I see in political based discussions are due to a of lack of understanding of what discipline(s) the discussion is being held in. People actually rarely point these out outside of academia which leads to a lot of confusion in everyday political conversation. In conversations of Cultural Appropriation you need to know what disciplines you are referring to. Are you having a discussion of a sociological or anthropoligical nature? Or a discussion that is political in nature? Both are comparision based discourses, but only one has a major focus specifically referring to power imbalances in the subject at hand. Both are very related however and there are major overlaps, hence the confusion.

When you actually do research on a topic versus just relying on social media and others to teach you, you are able to truly see all the diaciplinary intersects instead of being stuck in just one view.

Posted in Shalyse Speaks

What makes you happy?

Happy is a living verb. It’s something you must strive for daily through all the bad, find the glimmer of hope in the darkness and learn that happiness can live right alongside hopelessness in many cases. For me, my general pleasure is located in a select few items.

  • Cats
  • Shoes
  • Mangoes
  • Sour Patch Kids
  • My Cats
  • Bubbles
  • Trees
  • The Moon
  • Tea
  • Coffee…Because no one would survive me without my coffee.

 

What makes y’all happy?

Every time someone complains to me about preferring a vegan lifestyle for whatever reason and comes at me stupidly.

Me: There is a reason most people actually transition over time. To teach themselves not to go hungry. To find out what they can eat when they have health restrictions and allergies.

Hell, I’m in year five of my transition because restrictive diets and eating disorders are hard to manage, especially when you are low income.

If you jump into without thinking about and what it means for you as a person as well you do more damage in the end.

If you don’t understand veganism, ask.

Posted in Shalyse Speaks

Poly 101ish Info Pack

A transfer from let’s talk about poly which is now one of my deleted sites.

Inspire by a mono friend who asked questions about him and his husband opening their relationship. This will probably become the base of an FAQ for this site.

Would you tell me more about polyamory?
First, the definition is having ( or having the compacity or desire to have) more than one intimate or loving relationship simultaneously. There are many ways that love and intimacy manifest as sexuals are learning to be acutely aware of, as well as many ways to create relationships.

What are important things to remember?

  1. Remember that you do not own your partner. Ownership outside of the BDSM world is usually something very dangerous and unhealthy because it is not negotiated nor does it address a person as a whole individual who has consented to something else.
  2. Negotiate everything and stick to your boundaries, that does not mean that you cannot renegotiate. Your major choices are to find a compromise, redefine your relationship, or take it or leave it.
  3. Communication is a must and emotional processing is important.
  4. Self-awareness is a must, but it takes time.
  5. I always suggest being ok with dating separately or apart and discussing boundaries for how to address things that affect your relationship. Examples: Time that must be allocated for dating and spending time with other partners, money for dates and travel, emotional energy.
  6. Polyamory is not the only way. Non-monogamy is an umbrella.
  7. Polyamory isn’t easy. It’s not really harder than monogamy, but there are a lot more complexities when dealing with multiple relationships whether they run parallel or intersect.
  8. My observation is that it is harder to do if it is not your natural inclination. For most of us it seems to be our default relational orientation, not a choice we make, so because relating on this level comes more natural it is easier to break the constructs of relationships that have been pushed on us.

Where is a good place to find resources? Are there any resources specific to LGBT relationships? How about allo/asexual relationships?

Some groups and blogs:
I suggest joining a group that I moderate called Black and Poly

There are also groups like:
Intersectional Non-Monogamy
Polyamory

These are groups that I suggest people who need intersection based info for queer relationships and anything to start.

Of course, I suggest my blog as a resource to everyone:

But other resources include:

Other articles include: