Posted in Shalyse Speaks

Asexuality is not a lack of desire.

When I say desire is not apart of the definition of asexuality I mean, asexual organizations have researched and noted that attraction and desire are not the same. ( You can view so much sexuality education and research to verify this).

We have been taking active steps to acknowledge this especially because it is erasive to a good portion of asexuals.

I know it doesn’t seem big to most allosexuals, but let me remind y’all that most of your sexual orientation is an afterthought because you directly experience attraction for your interest.

Asexuals lack that feature or lack that feature to an extent ( our lovely Grays and demis). We have to construct what this is through a lot of introspection that most of us don’t know to do, which is why the assumption that asexuality equals no interest in sex comes in.

Please adjust this thinking and do some updated reading.

Asexuality is not new, we are doing the work know to give it visibility. It’s been conflated with celibacy, abstinence, and hyposexuality for generations. It’s harmful.

It’s part of why asexuals experience oppressive actions in our relationships and even religious interactions that we face.

Please respect us enough to do this work.

Posted in Shalyse Speaks

Skin products I use for my sensitive oily skin.

So I have sensitive, oily skin, and a skin condition that is not always monitored by medication. I’m going to share with y’all some products that I have found that work for me and don’t irritate my skin because I have been meeting a lot of folks that have the similar issues.

I try to shop based on cruelty-free(x, x, x, x), vegan/vegetarian, and natural product brands which for me generally means plant-based in my search (x, x, x, x,x. It’s my preference and what I’ll promote, but before you shop make sure you research what you are buying and why. I am trying to transition this into all aspects of my shopping as well, but there is an intersection of cost and accessibility to consider as well. Not all companies represent what they present so be mindful and don’t believe the hype.



  • Alba Botanica Acnedote Deep Pore Wash I’ve been using this since the Fall of 2018 and it’s my new face wash. It really works for me whether I use my hands, a facial brush, or a facial sponge. My skin does not feel overly dry nor do I have the burning sensation around by lips or in my T-Zone.
  • Alba Botanica Acnedote Oil Control Lotion  – I’ve only been using this since February, but its improved my oily skin. I used to just use my regular face lotion as I have lots of issue with lotions. Its best around my lips, in my T-zone, and around my eyes. The biggest issue I have with lotions is drying around my lips that make small whiteheads pop up and minor allergic reactions that happen on my face. It was better for me to have oily skin than to have dry skin, but with this product, I can do both.
  • Yes to Coconut Ultra Hydrating Micellar Cleansing Water –  I’m not really sure if I need this product but so far I like it. I definitely will keep it around for when my mental health takes a downturn because my skin care routine takes a negative turn and this will help. It also may be a great asset as a Black woman with natural hair. It just ensures that I’ve gotten all the extra product from my hair off after its dried. I don’t care how much I wash my neck and shoulders, I always feel like there is extra product.
  • Witch Hazel– Witch Hazel is my go-to toner as it doesn’t burn and generally soothes my skin in a way that most other toners do not.  I don’t think a brand is super important for witch hazel. I really like the rose petal toner that I have though because it smells great.


  • Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Daily Skin Therapy Body Lotion
  • Good Bar Soap – Black Soap – Found at Whole Foods – I support the use of black soap in general as it helps. But beware because black soap can act in some ways as a skin lightener. That is the love-hate issue I have with it. I have 5 different tones on my skin. The darkest is around my lips and I feel like black soap strips my color. However, there are benefits and I implore you to research black soap and find a brand that works for you. I like this bar I find at Whole Food bc unlike most brands I’ve tried over the last 15 years, this bar doesn’t dry my skin out. Here is one perspective of the benefits of black soap.

Face and Body 


Face and Body

  • Alba Botanica Acnedote Acnedote Face and Body Scrub – I body and face scrubs have always been something I preferred to make, but I have had to come into some real realities with my mental health and my limitation for fun and crafting. I’ve had to put the money out. This scrub was a whim after a few months of not using a body or face scrub. It’s perfect for me. The scent is very neutral. It feels greet every of bad sensory day and can actually help reset my touch issues if I massage it correctly. I love body scrubs but this will be my go to. Alba better not stop making this product.


  • SheaMoisture African Black Soap Clarifying Mud Mask – I may switch this out because I am not a fan of the texture. It’s too smooth if that makes sense. It feels like I am rubbing my hair cream on my face which is a sensory issue for me. This product, however, does work. If i do switch it out I will still use it for my lips unless I find a new lip mask, because the moisture in it really helps my lips. I have anxiety and one of the ways it manifests is that when I am trying to not have a meltdown I like and chew my lips. This helps a lot.

As needed


  • Yes To Tomatoes Detoxifying Charcoal Facial Cleanser – This is a really good summer cleanser for me. I wash and go most of the summer with my hair and I’m in Texas so sweat is real. This helps to ensure my face is clean because I know people can’t tell anymore but I am very acne prone. It’s my skin regimen that makes it look like I don’t have acne issues.
  • Yes To Tomatoes Detoxifying Charcoal Peel Off Mask – This works great for my noes. Blackheads are the bane of my existence and my ethics won’t let me use the product I know will bust them and I don’t have the funds to consistently go get professional black treatments. This helps to reduce blackheads when used in conjunction with my normal skincare routine.
  • Yes To, Zit Zapping Dots Charcoal – I just bought these so I still have questions, but my cheeks are a problem area. I get a pimple in the same place at least twice a month. It’s frustrating. I happened to have one when I spotted these at target the other weekend. I washed my face and plopped on a dot and went to bed. The pimple was greatly reduced, but I don’t think I will be sleeping in the dot again. Maybe I just did it wrong are sleep way to crazy for the,.

New products I’ll update you on.


  • Pacifica Beauty Dream Big Lash Extending 7 in 1 Mascara Black Magic – I was super skeptical when I bought this and almost passed up on $15 for mascara because they don’t last long and you have to switch them out every three months max. It’s a whole thing. However, I am glad my nesting partner persuaded me to make the purchase and treat myself. I’m working on reminding myself that I can indulge in things without feeling bad about it. I’ve only been using it for two weeks but I see the improvement. I was looking for a lash serum and this is a 7 in 1 which I am generally skeptical of. I’ll keep y’all posted on this.
  • ToLB Vitamin C Serum for Face with Hyaluronic Acid – I’m vain. I know it. I saw the starts of minor wrinkles around my eyes and decided to try skins serums. I bought this but have not tried it yet. It just arrived.

Products on my list to purchase and try.

I’ll do a post later with make and hair products as well.



Posted in Verse - Diminishing secrets of Zephyrrine

Polyamory Hierarchy 101

Primary. Ones that I want to grow with

Primary. Ones who are my intentional family.

Primary. Those I prioritize and put my resources into every day.

Those resources are so limited.

Primary. I will drop everything just to be a pillow and soak up your tears.

Primary. I consider how I affect you.

Secondary. You are still my breath of fresh air,

a love of my life,

that smile when I wake,

but we know we don’t plan on forever.

We don’t even plan on a year and a day.

Secondary. I cherish each moment differently because we make no promises.

Secondary. I have no expectations, but I still love and value you.

Secondary. I will strive to do my best but sometimes I just have too much going on.

Partners all matter, just in different ways.

But if you look at me and a partner from the outside I bet wouldn’t be able to see who is a primary and who is a secondary.


Because they are still people.

People deserving of love and affection,

time and our definition of commitment.

Primary and secondary are just descriptors.

Sometimes they are unspoken but known.

Sometimes I love you just because you exist,

but I know that our paths are too different.

They are similar enough for the short-term, right.

Secondaries are a beautiful experience and so often taken advantage of.

I hope you know that no matter where you stand on the partner spectrum

you deserve respect you have value.

Hierarchy is not abuse.

Hierarchy, if it exists is necessary because of limited resources.

Hierarchy is not an excuse to abuse assert couples privilege.

Couple’s privilege is not having a life and responsibilities with someone.

That is just called living.

Hierarchy, Primary, Secondary are words we use to communicate an idea.

Don’t get so wrapped up in the idea that you forget the context.

Don’t forget that those words are just the outline laid on canvas.

We are creating art with our love and feelings for each other.

Every touch.

Every moment.

Each painting has a different style…

because of you.

Posted in Verse - Diminishing secrets of Zephyrrine

The reason why you think I am happy…

is because that is the face I choose to show.

The world fucking sucks.

But look over there.

That Tree. That blade of grass. That flower.

That is life and I choose to breathe it and give the bad the middle finger and face it down.

No seriously though. Have you ever hugged a tree?

Yes, oh yes, I am about to take you on a tree hugging witch round up of loving the earth.

You see I am happy because I am a steward and while this shell is decaying and my brain is a hot mess, my spirit is blessed and free knowing that I came from and will return to nature and it is love as it nourishes us daily.

Thank you, Earth Mother goddess for not forsaken us though we pillage and rape you!

You think I am happy because that is the joy I project as channel her, it, them, us all.