I understand why we trigger warn and for things I know are huge general issues I will oblige if I remember.
I laugh harder when they tell me that I don’t understand, and if I went through anything I’d be more willing.
Shut up. Turn around and walk away.
What did you just say? Do you know me?
You think you do because you read some pretty words on a screen, saw a few pictures I shared, watched videos my anonymity promoted. You think that means you know me.
Who the fuck are you?
I understand trigger warnings far more than you know.
Goddess how I pray, Goddess how I wish a simple tag worked for me.
Goddess I ask are you punishing me, for what I do not know.
I am the girl that wakes up to panic attacks and ends the day with one, and that’s if I don’t wake up in the middle of the night. Don’t forget the batch that occurs between wake and sleep.
Minimum of 3 a day but I don’t throw it at your face.
I can’t walk around my campus a single day without something triggering me, and that was before stupidity ruined that special day.
Constantly reminding me of my childhood and the abuse.
Mental, physical, emotional and more, sending spasms through my chest, forcing me to choke on the memories trying not to cry and break, because, in this world where people are so preoccupied with what they want, they will hand you a card and tell you to move on.
Another striking reality.
You tell me of your pain. I tell you I can relate and share a story or two. Tell you that you aren’t the only one, but what you feel is valid and it happens. You aren’t crazy, baby. NO!
But all you care about is that I stole your thunder.
What fucking thunder? The trail of people who you want to feel sorry for you. I don’t. I feel with you and I will let you lean on me.
You can’t trigger warn real life and walk past it. You have to live it, breath it, feel it.
But here you are intruding my safe place with your selfishness when a click will suffice.
This is for me my release, my place to be uninhibited.
I will cry scream, vent, be graphic and you can walk away.
I don’t want to hear how I didn’t do enough to protect you when you didn’t even give the courtesy you demand.
2014 ~ Zephyr